He said what He said; accept it!

God told me he loved me this morning. For my lack of words, post captivity, it left me awe-struck. I promise, this was not me! Couldn't have been me. This was a pure, very distinct voice full of a passion that could only send that great chill throughout my being- stiffening me; stopping me dead in my tracks. It felt as though His, "I love you", pierced my heart, simultaneously covering every aspect of me: each opened wound, each thought, each gift, each talent, each unknown part, unlocked and freed.

Some may question, "If you're a believer, how can you be so baffled at his love for you? Didn't he send a son to die for you?" That's easy to say if you have a flawed perception of God. It's also easy to say if your relationship with Him hasn't matured. It's even easier to say that when you call yourself one of His while disregarding to uphold His standard of Holiness- having yourself a ball in sin, no one seeing the change. See, God is daddy and I am daddy's little girl. In everything I do, His reaction should be a smile. Actually, I want Him to brag on me. If He happens to be chatting with Moses, Paul, Peter, James or John, Mary, Jesus himself, or his donkey, I want Him to let His folks know, she's one of mine!

I live, righteously, for the most part. However, the devil talks too and I take the bait he dangles, like a foo... I have taken massive "L's", suffering unnecessarily. I have even been bold enough to tell the Lord, "Wait a minute, I'll be back. Eh, soon"; enjoying myself too much, that minute turns into months- now I'm more backslidden than the other couple of times before! Wait, that's it! The stupidity of continuously failing at what may be the same test taken for the fourth, tenth, twentieth time. Continuously stepping outside of my Christian character to revert back into old ways for temporary pleasure. Continuously, choosing wrong when I'm filled with the Holy Ghost, can quote every scripture there is, and enabled by authority to cast out the devil and his party. If you love God to the degree that I do, you'll understand when I say, being out of His will is cool temporarily, but that ah whoopin' on the way back home, not so much! He gets you back in line, never letting you stray so far, but the guilt of knowing the distance driven between the two of you is your fault will cause you to question His love too.

I have always been that nerd who needed logic to my self- deemed profound reasoning, especially trying to figure out God's complexities. Don't be this person, be better than me! Nevertheless, my guilt paired with my overthinking causes me to play reverse psychology on God; asking questions like: How dare you love me like this- in the state I'm in? As unholy as I am, how dare you tell me I deserve you when my intentional sin put your son back on the cross again? How dare you stand at the door of my heart, knocking and waiting patiently? How dare you continue to be the gentleman you are, receiving me back with open arms? How dare you?

I LOVE YOU gets tossed around from boo's to bae's like salty carnival popcorn jumping out of its hot, cooking canister. Yet, when God directly gives it to you- from Himself- it changes the game. You may think this does not hold value, but His gesture gave me much needed reassurance. He reassured me that I'm ok with Him. The thoughts, the dreams, the past, my faults, my insecurities, my failures, my everything- he loves it all.

We must stop projecting our shame, fears, and self doubt onto God. He does not see us how we see ourselves: undeserving, unfit, and unqualified. Its been times when I have spiritually squared up with God; wrestling with Him to let me go. Not because I didn't want to be in His will, but tired of fighting to stay in it. Tired of feeling ashamed crawling back. Disgusted at the thought of being a disappointment. We let these thoughts drive us further away from Him, despite what and who we know Him to be. We must first remember, our identity is found in Him! 1 Peter 1: 3-4 states:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade — kept in heaven for you.”

In this new birth, God dissects us, performing open body surgery; peeling each layer back one fold at a time to expose our true being. In this new birth, a new work - change in mind and heart, begins to mirror Jesus'. In this new birth we meet grace and work on the consistency and persistence needed for continuous righteous living. Because of His great mercy, we sit at His feet, unwavering because we know deep down our labor in Him must not be in vain. Yes, in His great mercy, we are still able to subject ourselves to what is right, even after doing wrong.

Before we succumb to the love and trust of others, we must love and trust God first. Trusting Him first begins the work in repairing the damaging thoughts we have towards ourselves which taints everything and everyone we touch. I love you from God gives such a boost of confidence you forget about that rejection. I love you from God gives you the reassurance needed when you feel alone. I love you from God gets you to all sorts of breakthroughs and deliverances. I love you from God, covers you with the intimacy you need to help love yourself, then others. His mind was made up about you before anyone knew you existed. Have you forgotten what Jeremiah 1 and 5 says?

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you a prophet to the nations”

So first, He thought you into existence. Secondly, He called you His before you even chose Him. Lastly, He appointed you, thought that much of you to give you some dominion over His nations and let us not forget to insert the given up the son part! I don't know what love gets better than that!

We should stop punishing ourselves; dwelling in the minute consequences we think we deserve that aren't equivalent to what God should in all actuality give to us. If He wanted to, our demise would have come by now. He says to fear Him, but don't live in continual terror of Him. I understand, maybe that "I'm going to punish you" fear derives from your acceptance of Him in the Christian toddler phase. However, fear for the mature Christian evokes a reverence and respect for most incredible Being and the laws set forth to follow. He's provided us with the manual to succeed, the signs in the road to get back on track, and the tools to shift gears mentally, physically and spiritually. Stop your hiding, It is true- He loves you.

Click the link below to enjoy the beautiful medley reminding us that we are already loved! An open heart and Puffs Plus Lotion Facial Tissues are recommended in advance.